Conflixit

Well here I am. The title  of this one is the latin word for engaged(loose translation, remember its supposed to be a dead language) Not my best title but sue me it 4 am. So much has happened since last I was here, I scarcely know where to begin. Well I'm engaged. Still planning our wedding at the moment. We are shooting for spring 2014 but we'll see how that goes. That's all for now it's  405 and I should sleep.

Nostalgia

Well it's been awhile. The reason I have returned ,after so long, is nostalgia. Now nostalgia is taken from a greek words nostos + algia and its a form of new latin so close enough for me. Anyway, lately I've been feeling nostalgic. I've been thinking of what my life was like in the past and what it is now. Things are different and I'm not sure if its good or bad. I find myself missing old friends and wishing life could go back to a simplier time when I didn't have to worry about so much stuff such as bills, renewing leases, moving, etc.... Have you ever looked back on your life and just thought to yourself, man I wish i could have done some things differently. I'm at the point, and its disappointing to me because I'm not even halfway to 50. Yet, here I am looking at old pictures,messages, and gifts and wondering what would have happened if things hadn't turned out the way they did. For example, what would have happened if I had gotten with my senior prom date? What if I hadn't broke up with my junior prom girlfriend? What if I hadn't broken up with my college freshman girlfriend? What would have happened if I had never met her? What if I hadn't went to that dance in my sophmore year and met those four girls? What if I had never went out with Keil? What if somehow me and juliet had remained friends? What if I had never went to UMHB at all? There is an endless possibility of different outcomes that could have happened had I made different choices. Some I would make again, some I wouldn't. The fact of the matter is I didn't make different choices and that why I am where I am today. My mind may wander on the choices of the past but in the end I made my choices and I have to follow them to the bitter end. NO fancy sayings for this one. maybe next time.

Vita iter est.

Well I've returned to blog my thoughts. The title of my blog is in Latin. I've always loved Latin. The fact that it's a dead language attracted it to me and made me appreciate its rarity. Any way, the translation is Life is a Journey. Now you can argue if that is a correct translation or not but I'm pretty sure I'm right. If I'm not then, that's what I meant it to translate it to. Anyway, rambling just  a little. I've been considering going to Austin once my lease is up here. I'm tired of this city, the bad memories, and basically tired of this city in general. I've always been fond of the city ever since I was little, and my reasons for staying here are gone. I had three reasons for staying in this city instead of going to Alaska with my parents back in late October. Reason one was Energy Girl aka Keil (decided to change her secret name. She isn't like energy girl to me anymore.) She was my girlfriend. The one I'd felt was the one I would be with for the rest of my life. We clicked together, and it just seemed right. Unfortunately, i was wrong and we were only together for 2 months. It seemed longer at the time but either way it didn't work out. My second reason was Juliet.  She was like my best friend, second only to my good friend RecklessStripe, who lives in Austin now. In the end however, JUliet and I drifted apart too, 5 months after my parents left. My third reason was school. I was taking classes at a college and I wanted to finish them. I ended up failing them anyway so it didn't matter. So all my reasons for not leaving came apart, and now I'm stuck here. Life is a journey and we never know where the road will take us. My road as taken me to somewhere I don't want to be. I'm ready for a new place to live, and a new place to call my home. I have resolved to go to Austin when my lease is up, no matter what. There is no reason for me to stay in this town with this same old job. I've been in this town for almost 6 years now, and I've had this current job for 3 and a half years now. I've never lived in another place for more then 3 years, and I'm ready to move to a new place. This town is done, and Ive set my sights on Austin. There I can do new things, meet new people, and start a new job. Now I may be repeating myself, but this is whats been on my mind more and more lately. I may be leaving some good memories and friends behind but I'll be leaving the bad behind as well. When people ask me how was my day or what did I do today, I can finally say something different besides work, sleep, eat, play games. I can say I took a walk down congress ave, I went to a dance club, a local concert, a comic book store, and etc... It's time for a change in my life, and that time fast approaches. And if Juliet is reading this, I hope you like the birthday gift I'm sending or have sent. I figured it's what you would want. Right now I'm still wondering how to get it to you. I  don't know where your staying this summer so if it's late or was late, Sorry. I know you don't care two licks of bean about me but do onto to others and all that. Your still a friend, no matter if you want to be or not. So is Keil but anyway yeah. p.s Sexting is not having sex. If someone is sexting with you, you cant say there with you fro the sex. You people are not actually having sex. God women. (In case one of my friends read this.)  Goodbye for now, sorry about any spelling issues, and until we talk again. Here some quotes  about life and the journey, for the reader: 


~ 'Life to me is a journey - you never know what may be your next destination' ~ David Russell

~ There is great meaning in life for those who are willing to journey. ~ Jim England

~ Success is a journey, not a destination. The doing is often more important than the outcome. ~ Arthur Ashe

~ The journey of a thousand miles begins with one step. ~ Lao Tzu

~ A journey is best measured in friends rather than miles ~ Tim Cahill

~ The journey is the reward. ~ Chinese Proverb

~ One approaches the journey's end. But the end is a goal, not a catastrophe. ~ George Sand

~ The only journey is the one within. ~ Rainer Maria Rilke

~ The feeling remains that God is on the journey, too. ~ Teresa Of Avila

~ If all difficulties were known at the outset of a long journey, most of us would never start out at all. ~ Dan Rather

~ I wish you a very good journey to an unknown you've never seen. ~ Pieter V Admiraal

~ Simplicity is making the journey of this life with just baggage enough. ~ Charles Dudley Warner

~ Nothing is so awesomely unfamiliar as the familiar that discloses itself at the end of a journey ~ Cynthia Ozick

~ Focus on the journey, not the destination. Joy is found not in finishing an activity but in doing it. ~ Greg Anderson

~ Time is a companion that goes with us on a journey. It reminds us to cherish each moment, because it will never come again. What we leave behind is not as important as how we have lived. ~ Jean Luc Picard

~ Success is not a place at which one arrives but rather the spirit with which one undertakes and continues the journey. ~ Alex Noble

~ When you have completed 95 percent of your journey, you are only halfway there. ~ Japanese Proverb

~ Every day is a journey, and the journey itself is home. ~ Matsuo Basho

~ It's not good to make sentimental journeys. You see the differences instead of the sameness. ~ Mary Astor

~ Hope is like the sun, which, as we journey toward it, casts the shadow of our burden behind us. ~ Samuel Smiles

~ Experience is  the best teacher of all. And for that, there are no guarantees that one will become an artist. Only the journey matters. ~ Harry Callahan

~ Nothing shortens a journey so pleasantly as an account of misfortunes at which the hearer is permitted to laugh. ~ Quentin Crisp

~ The road of life twists and turns and no two directions are ever the same. Yet our lessons come from the journey, not the destination. ~ Don Williams, Jr.

~ Focus on the journey, not the destination. Joy is found not in finishing an activity but in doing it. ~ Greg Anderson

~ Let your mind start a journey thru a strange new world. Leave all thoughts of the world you knew before. Let your soul take you where you long to be...Close your eyes let your spirit start to soar, and you'll live as you've never lived before. ~ Erich Fromm

~ To get through the hardest journey we need take only one step at a time, but we must keep on stepping ~ Chinese Proverb

~ It is good to have an end to journey toward; but it is the journey that matters, in the end ~ Ursula K. LeGuin

~ Peace is a journey of a thousand miles and it must be taken one step at a time. ~ Lyndon Johnson

~ It's been an incredible odyssey to make the journey from a vibrantly healthy person to someone with a chronic illness. ~ Karen Duffy

Well here I am again. It has been a long time since I posted. I was an emotional wreck back then and I stayed that way for awhile. My last post was on December 23, 2010. Thanks to a neat countdown on my phone i can count exactly how long its been since something happened. It has been 90 days 19 hours and 21 minutes since my last post. So after that post I drove down to Julia's fro Christmas eve. It was nice and her family was cool. They gave me presents which i weren't expecting. I was a little regretful I wasn't spending it with energy girl but I got over it because of the Christmas spirit. After Christmas time flew to new years. I went to Ikkicon 5 with my friend NightKitten. Had loads of fun. I got drunk, had sex, partied all weekend and met new friends. After that awesome weekend time flew by and January went by quickly. Valentines day was depressing. During this time my main friend from school was Julia. We were still friends even though energy girl and me were not. I began to have feelings for her. Which was kind of stupid of me but if i could have stopped it i would have. So i became clingy to her and I acted immature and we fought alot. We made up but i didn't change. I constantly complained about my life and was mopey and basically kind of a bitch. Well it all came to a head march 5th. I texted her and she wanted a day to herself and i didn't know that. So i kept texting her because i wanted to talk and finally she snapped and was rude. So i decided (like an idiot) to fight fire with fire and complained about it and women in general. Two days later she de-friended me and hasn't talked to me since. I regret my actions and wish we could be friends again but i fear she has had enough of seeing the bad side of me. I guess what I'm saying now is that I've changed. I'm not going to be the bitchy guy(try really hard anyway) and just change in general. Just going to sail along the river of life and just let the currents take me wherever they lead.

i'm not a monster

Imiss you energy girl. i feelbroken. I wnat to yell i'm not a monster but i cant. I want to talk to you but i cant and tears me up inside. I also miss you too juliet butat least i can still talk to you. your really all i have left from my three groups of friends.i am not a a fan of whiskey but it taste good with pibb. wall street is good movie. man i'm so titred. i'm not amonster

Hello there.

So here I am. I don't know why i'm still up writing this. I guess I just had the urge and so here I am. What to talk about? Well I find myself distracted as of late. I can't seem to get my head together. I'm still feeling the aftereffects of energy girl. Of course I have had other people helping to distract me but still my mind wanders back to my superhero on occasion. I also have been thinking of my elemental goddess. She is an always has been my goddess. Also on my mind is the mortal I shall call Juliet. Ever since energy girl left she has been here for me and I am eternally(don't care about the spelling) grateful. I find myself thinking about her as well. SHe however is a very popular person which sometimes I admire and sometimes I despise. Like the people she gets to go out with. It gets to me sometimes perhaps only because I never recieve that. Hmm phantom lady is coming over tomorrow. We are going to watch smallville. I got her hooked using my persuasive methods. Sorry if I'm rambling I'm just really tired. HOwever I can't sleep without getting these thoughts out of my head. OH yeah christmas is coming. I can't wait. I get to spend christmas with Juliet. I feel my eyes lowering. I can't stay awake. Tmrw I will probably post more on my thoughts.

Blue Christmas

Well here I am. Recently my parents moved to Alaska and I felt depressed because my loving parents, that I had been with for 20 years, were moving away. What made it even worse was the fact that they were moving before my favorite holidays, thanksgiving and christmas, and I was sad at the fact that I would spend these holidays alone this year. However, there was a silver lining in this cloud. I had a girlfriend, my own personal guardian superhero. I cast off my shackles of sadness and depression because even though my parents were gone, I had a loving relationship as well as a  place for the holidays. Now those shackles have returned heavier then they ever were before. My guardian superhero is no longer my guardian superhero. Now I see Christmas looming up as a gaping chasm of darkness. I will be spending christmas alone  because I just havn't the heart to go anywhere else. Even as I write these words, my eyes begin to water from hurtful memories of the past. My body and brain beg to be fed food but my heart refuses to give them what they seek. I have not eaten all day and I still don't have the will to eat. I feel like I have finally been broken. The thing is I have no one to blame but myself which makes the pain so much deeper. So my christmas will be a blue one. The first blue christmas I've ever had.