Blue Christmas

Well here I am. Recently my parents moved to Alaska and I felt depressed because my loving parents, that I had been with for 20 years, were moving away. What made it even worse was the fact that they were moving before my favorite holidays, thanksgiving and christmas, and I was sad at the fact that I would spend these holidays alone this year. However, there was a silver lining in this cloud. I had a girlfriend, my own personal guardian superhero. I cast off my shackles of sadness and depression because even though my parents were gone, I had a loving relationship as well as a  place for the holidays. Now those shackles have returned heavier then they ever were before. My guardian superhero is no longer my guardian superhero. Now I see Christmas looming up as a gaping chasm of darkness. I will be spending christmas alone  because I just havn't the heart to go anywhere else. Even as I write these words, my eyes begin to water from hurtful memories of the past. My body and brain beg to be fed food but my heart refuses to give them what they seek. I have not eaten all day and I still don't have the will to eat. I feel like I have finally been broken. The thing is I have no one to blame but myself which makes the pain so much deeper. So my christmas will be a blue one. The first blue christmas I've ever had.